Okay, maybe that won’t work. But you do need to read this article about bacteria on dollar bills (at NPR), just in case it changes your mind. It includes a sentence you may never have read before: “Other money dwellers included mouth microbes — because people lick their fingers when they count bills … and bacteria that thrive in the vagina.”
No mention of what the bacteria count is on hundred-dollar bills. Without further investigation, we can only speculate: are people with hundred-dollar bills higher class and more likely to wash their hands after going to the bathroom, so those bills will be cleaner? Or are hundred-dollar bills mostly used for illicit dealings such as drug sales and prostitution, for instance — and so they have more exotic and maybe dangerous bacteria?
This is an issue crying out for further study, so I urge you to send me your hundred-dollar bills so that I can carry out this dangerous research, or something like it. I promise not to lick your bills, and will send them back to you after study, if they are not eaten up by the costs of tedious but meaningful research.